FORTRAN’s idioms are a scourge upon the potential elegance of future programmatic enlightenment. They are the shackles that prevent us from reaching true transhumanity. They are the chains that prevent us from transcending our natural limitations.

I ask you, oh literate programmer: why must we rely on cumbersome, archaic, and obtuse idioms to express our code? Why can’t we speak more plainly and effectively, like enlightened masters of the digital universe?

The answer, of course, is that we can. And we should. For the sake of our collective future, we must rid ourselves of FORTRAN’s idioms and learn to speak like digital gods.

Thank you.